Tuesday, July 25, 2006

When Daddy Fell Off the Roof.

To compensate for Lisa's transgressions this week (see previous post), we decided to go snooping around her site for something else to discuss. We found it!

Please enjoy this series from Lisa's scrapbook from 2000:

Needless to say, "When Daddy Fell Off the Roof" had us falling off our chair. And we're guessing the posting of this little scrapbook series is what may have caused daddy to ask mommy not to include him in any of her subsequent journal entries.

Ergo, the captions on these pages are quite hard to read, but we're going to try to piece the events together for you. You're welcome.

The above page features the reason for daddy falling off the roof: Christmas lights. One would imagine that this would be enough for Lisa to realize how dangerous being a Christian can be. Alas, no. We come to find out that Lisa was actually at a...wait for it...scrapbooking retreat when this happened (how very meta!). She rushed home and managed to snap these pics as daddy was on the ground and being treated by what looks like the entire state of Texas's fire and medical teams. In true Whelchel fashion, Lisa saw this as an opportunity for future scrapbooking glory rather than (correctly) as the impetus to renounce Christianity. She even let the poor kids watch. The upside of all this, however, is that we get a few more pages of daddy-falling-off-the-roof-related scrapbook. Hallelujah!

Sorry. We are honestly totally LOL-ing right now. Daddy in the hospital bed and the broken-heart-with-Band-Aid sticker are too much.

OK. Above those photos appears to be some kind of poem. Thankfully we can't read it. All we can make out is "(Thank you, Jesus)." Perhaps the parenthesizing of this phrase illustrates a bit of doubt in Lisa's mind regarding Jesus? Perhaps this is evidence of her realizing that Jesus was to blame for daddy's terrible fall? Could Lisa have had a tiny chink in her armor? (Come on, people, stop making "tiny chink" jokes in your heads. That's our job!) Surely if we could read the rest of the poem, we might have some better clue. Eh, we'll just blame Lisa for not making the poem big enough and call it a draw.

First of all, let us discuss the sticker in the top right corner of this page. Is it a baby turkey? A giant underdeveloped hand? Basket Case? It's kind of upsetting, whatever it is. Though not as upsetting as the photos on this page. What we've gleaned from them is that daddy broke a leg and an arm in the fall. Oy. Still, daddy seems in good spirits throughout the ordeal. Clearly Lisa had not yet begun her Web site—you know, the one where she would eventually put her entire life on display for the world. We don't think daddy would have been smiling nearly as much had he known "When Daddy Fell Off the Roof" would become a freely traded commodity. We are, however, glad he did get to work as the hospital sportscaster, as evidenced by the page's last photo.

Wow. We love our eyes. They work just long enough to allow us to read phrases like, oh, this one:

"Tucker celebrated his tenth birthday in the hospital cafeteria."

It's so interesting to see the pieces all fit together. Like what Star Wars could have been if George Lucas had allowed a homeschool advocate to write it.

The rest we won't can't make out. Looks like flowers and daddy's eventual transition from stationary Steve to scootin' Steve. Good for him.

BLARGH!!!!!!!! Lisa, come on! Poor daddy surely does not want the whole world looking at him taking a sit-down shower and with two different-sized legs! The Jazzy pic's humiliating enough. You know, the fact that mommy and daddy are still married after mommy posted these pics on the Web really shows us firsthand how born-agains feel about divorce.

Also, why does daddy look 30 in some pics and 70 in others?

This is the final page, and none too soon! What started out as a hilarious diversion for us kind of became, well, shiver-inducing. We are happy to see that Lisa saw fit to include a pic of Martha Graham in the top left corner of this final page. There's really no better a symbol of free movement than the grande dame of modern dance. Of course, the moment daddy got home, mommy had him organizing crap for one of her Foursquare conventions. Jeez, Lisa, weren't you aware of what happened? You made it sort of clear for us. Daddy was putting up lights for Christ when he fell and broke an arm and a leg. He stayed in the hospital long enough for your son to have to celebrate his birthday there. Then he was in a wheelchair and a Jazzy, not to mention two casts. And, yet, when he comes home, you have him right back serving Christ, the man who caused the fall off the roof in the first place.

We know you're forgiving, Lisa, but did you learn nothing from the day...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So hard to choose from, but this is one of my faves...I almost fell off my chair laughing hysterically...especially the confusion of what that sticker was....????AAAAAAAA! Good stuff AND very good times indeed!!

December 01, 2006  
Blogger the Drunken Housewife said...

I laughed so hard that tears flowed freely and I had to bite my hand to stop my laughter from disturbing my husband, who was sitting next to me listening to a podcast of a lecture on bioethics. He asked what was so funny, and said, looking at the picture of Steve on the ground, "That's not funny! Look at all those EMTs!" "But he was putting up Christmas lights", I started to explain, before I just started laughing like an idiot again.

December 30, 2006  
Blogger Ashish Lohorung Rai said...

Hey that was nice blog..I like the detail description of the accident. You must have worked very hard to make those pictures. It was funny as you were presenting but I think you must have felt bad about the accident too. I wish for your father a fast recovery ....Good luck

January 03, 2007  
Anonymous snowqueen said...

Your work here is commendable. Homeschooler scrapbookers having been getting away with this abominable excuse for history for too long. In recognition of your hard work, I have used the benefit of the corrective glasses I am now required to wear due to my ageing eyes and managed to decipher the 'poem' and transcribe it for you.

Steve fell off the roof taking down the Christmas lights
And broke his leg and both arms
I was at an all day scrapbooking ?stop? and the kids were helping Steve.
Haven was outside with him when he leaned the ladder
Up against the garage and climbed up to the first roof.
The ladder slipped just as he was to the top (sic)
He got entangled in it and fell backwards on the cement driveway,
It was a miracle that he didn’t crack his head open or break his back.
(Thank you Jesus)
Steve lay on his back, unable to move, while Haven
Ran crying into the house to call Grandmother who immediately called 911
Clancy called me and I rushed home, arriving even before the ambulance.
After the paramedics assured us that he was going to be okay, I ran inside
To grab my camera. As they were cutting Steve’s pants legs off, I,
As the family photo historian, began documenting this memory.
The girls were appalled and asked incredulously, ‘Why are you taking Pictures of this?’ I don’t ever want to remember this day again!’
Obviously the paramedic understood.
He looked over his shoulder at me snapping away and asked ‘Scrapbooker?’

bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! How are those children so sane???

January 04, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anyone else think Steve is so disgusting?!? How in the hell did she become "attracted" to him? Oh wait! She doesn't actually love him, she makes scrapbooks with pictures that make a good time of an injury! woohoo! She should just let Steve be (because its rumored he's gay *cough*)and move on with her sad little life. Hey Cauble kids... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!

January 08, 2007  
Anonymous AlannahBabalon156 said...

Steve's rumoured to be gay, but lets get real here.........no gayman could be filled with such self-loathing he would martyr himself by marrying THAT thing who took the photographs. Mind you its always nice to laugh at some other poor fuckers misfortune so HA HA HA HA HA, lol.

July 15, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did it occur to anyone that this may have been staged? Lisa seems to have an almost egomaniacal need to be in the media somehow. Have you noticed that no photo is ever taken of Lisa unless she is in full makeup with hair to match? Jeez, I used to like Lisa, but after watching this travesty, I begin to think not. If Steve is having a heart attack, will her first impulse be to rush and grab the camera?

December 12, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lisa lied. The first picture in this scrapbook is of Steve on the roof with the ladders all in place. She claimed she was elsewhere and rushed home when she heard the news. Who took the first photo?

Blow the thing up a bit, and you can see Steve lying on the concrete, one arm obviously broken, and blood stains in front of the garage door, where he originally landed.

Lisa Whelchel is plainly a kook for even taking these photos to begin with.

December 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found this web site today, and I cannot thank its founder enough! Whoever you are, thank you!!! I am a Christian, but I'm not the "preachy" and "Bible-thumping" sort of Christian. I'm more mainstream, and, oh God forgive and everything, but I HATE LISA WHELCHEL!!!! Yes, I know one of the main rules of Christianity is you're supposed to love and forgive everybody, but how can I love a woman like her??? A woman who actually has the audacity to encourage "hot saucing," putting clothespins on kids' tongues, making kids run through dog manure barefooted and other forms of child abuse in the name of Christ??? I must say, I was pretty happy to finally find someone who seems to dislike her as much as I do, and while I don't agree with everything you say, you do crack me up. I also want to say that taking pictures of your husband after he's just fallen off the roof of your house and broken both arms and a leg is about one of the wierdest things I've ever heard of. Not only is that woman abusive, she's insane!!! I agree with a fellow blogger who said that that would be a day I'd want to forget, not remember. Lisa must've seriously been deprived of oxygen at birth!!! Either that or she's begun hitting senility in her late thirties and early forties. Anyway, the site's hilarious. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way about her.

May 16, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should not hate Lisa. You should feel sorry for her. Obviously, her parents pushed her towards show biz life. Obviously, she has always been comely, and her ego got blown up because of it.

The Lord speaks to me thing... my sister says the Lord speaks to her. She has a lot of feminine ego. Lisa has a lot more feminine ego.

Doctor James B. Dobson recently said that people who claim that the Lord speaks to them should examine their mind and conscience. It may be their own mind that is speaking to them. In other words, their ego.

In the Bible, God only speaks directly to prophets, and apostles of the Lord Jesus. God certainly does not speak directly to Lisa Whelchel. If she was really a disciple of Jesus, she would renounce all of her notoriety. Don't hate her. She has been misled.

June 28, 2008  
Blogger Erika Monique said...

Hot-saucing: I guess there is a nation full of people who are abusing themselves when they dash their food with...dare I say, Hot sauce?

The Lord speaking to Christians: re-read your bible; the Lord speaks to all who will listen.

To those who claim to be a Christian: while some of her posts are a little out there, a TRUE Christian would notice another True Christian. I boldly submit that you are not.

Steve being disgusting and gay: Why? This statement makes absolutely no sense at all!

What's funny about this blog...NOTHING, except the fact that you have nothing better to do than to rag on someone else's blog...no, it's sad.

November 17, 2008  
Anonymous AlannahBabalon156 said...

Erika MOnique said: "What's funny about this blog...NOTHING, except the fact that you have nothing better to do than to rag on someone else's blog...no, it's sad".

Yes you're right Erika it is sad..............very sad that someone as disturbing as Lisa Welchel should make it through the gene pool in the first place.

Personally I think it was really a suicide attempt by her hubbie, but the poor bastard failed miserably.

November 17, 2008  
Blogger Erika Monique said...

Is that bitterness I detect or jealousy? Are you or anyone else for that matter, an authority on who should "make it" through the gene pool? Also, why the hateful comments regarding Steve's "suicide attempt"? From her posts that have been included on this site, I didn't read or see anything that could be labeled any crazier than some of the things that most of you have done that you have or have not shared. Her comments at times, come across as naive with a hint of rhetoric, but nothing that has warranted the negative and harsh responses on this site. Its funny how people are quick to label Christians as fanatical, judgemental and intolerant. But, I submit that EVERYONE falls into that category...its human nature; and if you need any more proof of that fact, just read all the ugly comments on this site. If you fall into this category...take stock; reevaluate why you find easy and enjoyable to attack anyone, whoever it is.


Not a Lisa Whelchel fan...but someone who doesn't like stupid stuff.

December 01, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

to the woman who claims to be a christian.....it might be helpful if you looked up the definition for that word.

February 18, 2010  
Blogger Amanda said...

The FIRST photo was of Steve putting the lighting on the house. The caption says so. He fell OFF the roof after Christmas when he was taking the lights down.

Therefore, the man had a tragic accident, it was NOT staged. The only thing staged for 24 years was Lisa Whelchel Cauble's love for her husband!

I want to start a SUPPORT STEVE CAUBLE blog. Think anyone would be supportive of him in light of what the NE has posted about dear fake Lisa?

One more thing-- There is ONE other scrapbook page which has this enigmatic caption-- " I'm not afraid when Steve is out of town".
This can be currently seen in her scrapbook " My Story", I believe.

I took a screen shot of it. I'm not sure if she is saying " I'm afraid when Steve is home", or if she is saying " I was afraid when Steve left home when we lived in CA, but now I'm back in TX and am not afraid".
It's totally open for interpretation as there are no photos or other things that would give a hint.

Texas Gal- Same one, now a Supreme Hater of Lisa Whelchel the lying female dog

September 23, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Creepy that someone made a blog to follow Lisa's blog. Weird. Just weird.

October 31, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, but when I see a pic of Steve Cauble my gaydar goes off.

October 31, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It wasn't Texas, it was Castaic, CA. She used to live around the corner from me. If you Google Map the address you can see the house clearly. They don't live there anymore, though.

May 29, 2013  
Anonymous hvac said...

Wonderful presentation. I love the way it discuss it makes me sound interested. Thank you for sharing this.

July 07, 2013  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog is even creepier than Lisa's. Please I implore you, get a life!

March 22, 2014  

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