Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Conflicting engagement.

OK.

Here's the thing.

We were going to cover Lisa's September e-newsletter in this space, but something else was brought to our attention. BN reader Kristin sent us a link to an essay Lisa wrote for Crosswalk.com, a site that describes itself as a "for-profit religious corporation dedicated to building up the Church, which is the Body of Christ." Basically it has Whelchel's name written all over it. The site does. And the essay. Sorry, it's just that we're a little worked up.

You see, Lisa's essay is confounding us for a million billion reasons, of which we'll point out the primary two.

1.) It is 48 words shy of being the exact length of The Brothers Karamazov.

2.) It is unbelievable.

2a.) Honestly. We have yet to read it in order because we can't focus.

Because of the above two reasons (and the unspoken million billion others), we are right now just going to link you to this essay and let you explore it for yourself. We will let you know that it has to do with Daddy but that it makes "When Daddy Fell off the Roof" look like a retarded child with palsy (and not in the hilarious way). Here's a sample quote and then we'll let you go on your way:

"Over the next two years, Steve and I began to spend a lot of time together, and we became good friends. (Interpretation: I was not at all attracted to him.)"

OK. So, before you make one of the most important decisions of your life, we have one question:

Reader, do you take this chance to be completely floored, confused and dumbfounded?

If so, we've ARRANGED for you to say...

I DO!

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG.

September 28, 2006  
Blogger Trashley said...

How can she possibly ignore the hotness that is Steve? Seriously.

September 28, 2006  
Anonymous Emily said...

Oh, god! I thought that dude was my old Womyn's Studies professor there for a second.

September 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I shrugged the Holy Spirit off my shoulders and got back to the business of worship.

Piss off, Holy Spirit - can't you see I'm praying here?

September 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my opinion, this called for more than praying—this called for fasting!

Dexatrim doesn't count, Lisa.

September 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The choice was mine. Was I going to trust God or trust my heart? I knew the decision I had to make, and I felt an unexplainable peace about it. When I boarded a plane home, I was wearing my new engagement ring and carrying the “Now That You Are Engaged” book I had purchased earlier in the week. I figured that since I had decided to marry this man whether the feelings were there or not, I could probably use all the help I could get.

I hope some day a woman has something this nice to say about me...

October 01, 2006  
Blogger Ian said...

i tried reading it. really i did. but somebody sneezed commas all over it.

then i prayed about it for a very long time and found out why.

"...And yea, verily, the Lord did unleash a scourge of unnecessary punctuation upon his disciples (Ephesians 6:18)”

October 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The worst part is, she didn't even bother writing a new piece on this topic. This is just a rehashed chapter from her book "The Facts of Life and Other Lessons My Father Taught Me". Most of Lisa's writings are like this. Does she think nobody notices? She must have either a three second memory or she thinks everyone else does.

I've been reading her rantings for years. Great stuff ... really great.

October 15, 2006  
Blogger the Drunken Housewife said...

I don't know about Lisa, but my gaydar pings and pings when I look at Steve.

December 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doubt you'll ever see this, but your recent entry didn't allow comments. What Lisa said about gay people was horrible and she deserves a blog like this. However, what makes it okay for you to insult mentally challenged children, Texans, and anyone else you happen to look down on? Kind of hypocritical. If you don't want someone like Lisa spewing hatred and misinformation against you then maybe you should practice what you preach.

July 29, 2014  

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