Monday, October 30, 2006

The Coffee Talk Companion: "From Her Emptiness to Our Doctor."

The Coffee Talk Companion is an ongoing feature in which we dissect and discuss former Facts of Life star Lisa Whelchel's online journal entries.

Well, hello.

Two things. 1.) Google has apparently spent the $5.95 it was using for upkeep toward the purchase of YouTube. Meaning, it's been nothing but headaches today. Nothing. But. Head. Ach. Es. And b.) Lisa Whelchel is apparently busier than she was last week. Meaning, she just threw up on her Web site a bunch of Bible verses rather than an actual post. Meaning, we just threw up on her Web site. Clearly we're not going to try to make sense of the Bible. We can barely make sense of Whelchel.


Lisa did manage to give us one bit of pure Whelcheliana: pics she took of Tucker, Clancy and/or Haven at the Dallas-Forth Worth airport whilst waiting for their flight to Kentucky. Please let this be a kind of visual aid illustrating the social and intellectual development of homeschooled children and the parents who cultivate them.

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Very godly behavior, teenagers. Of course, we don't blame you—you have the queen of "say one thing, do another" for a mom. Obviously we blame her. For the 923rd week in a row. And we think it's especially charming of her to publicly post this pic...

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...which undoubtedly has already found a home on John Mark Karr's hard drive.

Oh, and, Tucker, we also learned in real school that if you have anything to do with Christian rock, you don't get to wear Chucks. Ask your mom—it's in the Bible:

"Thy shoes shall be of iron and brass: and as thy days, so shall thy strength be." Deuteronomy (33:25 EST)


Until Lisa decides to actually write about something, preferably with pics of Justice/Casey straddling a small airplane, we bid you, adieu.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a plane in the arse.

(I couldn't resist)

October 30, 2006  
Anonymous cella said...

Dammit, *I* was at DFW last week too! THIIIIIS close to a brush with Whelchelness.

October 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please flip to the third picture from the top...

So, which is Tucker: A Shark or a Jet?

November 06, 2006  
Anonymous A Black Man said...

I'm glad I found this little gem of a blog. I've been out sick these past few days and your critique of Whelchel has been a much needed dose of humor.

I am just floored! I've never seen such an unconsciously self-centered person! My God! How can her hardcore fundy fans stand to read about her little problems?! And she has the temerity to ask them to pray for her?!

How I wish that my biggest tribulation consists of completing a scrapbook!

I wonder how many of her kooky KKKristian readers have the luxury of a maid to look after their larvae and clean their house.

I could go on and on! Again! Thanks for creating such an amusing blog. I just love to read about the problem of upper middle class white women!

If Princess Welchie switched places with me, she'd probably off herself!

November 14, 2006  

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