Monday, August 14, 2006

The Coffee Talk Companion: "A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words, Unfortunately."

The Coffee Talk Companion is an ongoing feature in which we dissect and discuss former Facts of Life star Lisa Whelchel's online journal entries.

(Please note: this episode of the Coffee Talk Companion was begun when the corresponding journal entry was, in fact, a mess. It has since been fixed. You'll understand what we're talking about shortly.)

This week, Lisa kind of gets back into the Coffee Talk spirit by showing us some of her favorite photos and telling us about them IN HER OWN WORDS. The thing is the photos are from days of yore, so we're not hearing about her summer vacation as she promised last week. Still, it's better than a Clancy dispatch from Peru. Well, anything's better than a Clancy dispatch from Peru.

Here's her explanation:

Last summer I made two smaller scrapbooks of my favorite pictures. Each page was basically the same: one 5X7 picture that evoked strong emotion in me, a ribbon, an embellishment, a title, and the story. This is probably one of my favorite scrapbook projects I’ve ever done. One of these days I’ll upload the pages from this album to the scrapbook section on the website. Until then, I thought I’d just share a few of my favorite pictures and the stories behind them.

Fair enough, but if you venture to the actual Coffee Talk entry (which, as per usual, we don't recommend, at least not without taking 17 Percosets), you'll notice that the pictures don't quite match up with their descriptions. Meaning, we think Lisa has given us a little extra work this week. Nicely played, Lisa. Nicely played.

However, as you should know by now, Leese, we likes a good challenge. So we've matched up the photos with Lisa's ramblings. It wasn't nearly as difficult as it was tremendously boring. But if we can save just one person from having to do the work, well, we've done well by both God and Satan.


Photo 1 with its respective description (and there are 11, so you may want to take those Percosets anyway):

1. “Big Brother” – This photo brings back memories of simpler times for me. When my children were little I didn’t write, speak, travel, teach Sunday school, or anything. I was able to simply focus on being a full-time mom. I even had time to sew this little seersucker short pants suit that Tucker is wearing. We were living on a single income so we didn’t have money for a photo session. We received a coupon for one free 8X10 photo from Olan Mills studios. This is the photo I chose. (Today I would pay a hundred dollars for a picture of Tucker acting so tenderly towards his little sister.)

We're surprised by two things. One, that Blair Warner ever used a coupon for a free photo. And two, that there was a time when Lisa Whelchel didn't write or speak.

Photo 2 with respective description:

5. “The Big Screen” – On New Year’s Day, 2001, Nickelodeon Channel played a “Facts of Life” marathon. Tucker, Haven and Clancy had seen the videos but this was the first time they had actually seen the show airing on television. What a strange and wonderful feeling – watching my children watch me.

Oh, how we wish Cousin Geri had a blog so she could post a picture entitled "Geri's Kids."


"Nickelodeon Channel." Priceless. Lisa, you're very aware that it's not called Chik-fil-A Restaurant or Bible Book. We know you know it's just called Nickelodeon and that you made them watch mommy on TV. Stop playing the naif.

Photo 3 with respective description:

6. “Doggie PMS” – There is no question what Donut is saying in the picture. I figure it is a combination of: a) “Get that camera out of my…face!” b) “Why must I wear this embarrassing diaper?” c) “GRRRRRR!” d) All this trouble for nothing – they won’t even let me out of this house to meet my boyfriend.” E) “Did you just call me a B____?”

Or, F) "____ you, _______ born-again __________."

And you may not think it could get any better than a pic called "Donut PMS," but it most absolutely could.

Just not here, of course.

Photo 4 with respective description:

10. “Competitive/Competition” – Did I mention that Haven is good at everything she does! I think it is a combination of competitive spirit and intense concentration. Her first year playing volleyball, she was the star of the team – of course. I love this picture because it captures Haven’s determination, skill, and love for everything she does.

Actually, this photo really just captures Haven's determination, skill and love for volleyball. And we kind of have to take Lisa's word on the "skill" and "love" parts. We can give her the "determination" part, but, honestly, Photoshop can do wonders. Still, it's OK to dream. And we dig the artsy title of the description, but would it have been _______ too much to ask to have the photo captions match the respective description titles? ____.

Photo 5 with respective description:

3. “Praise God” – I absolutely love this picture! Haven is certainly beautiful from the front, but looking at her from behind as she is worshiping God, she is extraordinarily gorgeous. “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Completely utterly horrifying. And, by " completely utterly horrifying," we are referring to Haven's hands.

Photo 6 with respective description:

8. “Friends for Eternity” – There are many things that hold these five families together: memories: children, California, and LifeNet vacations. But it is the spiritual bond we have that will make this special friendship we have last forever. “Dear Lord, thank You for the gift of eternal relationships. I am grateful that, because of You, these friends are family.”

Eh. We'll just take this space to say that there are five photos remaining, so if you want to get up and go to the restroom and/or kill yourself, now would be an excellent time to do so.

Photo 7 with respective description:

11. “Little Justice” – I love this picture because it captures my brother’s zest for life. Even, at the age of 22, he approaches life with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. I’ve always adored him but the older he gets, the more I admire him.

It's official: "Casey" is now really, actually "Justice." And this pic is really, actually the hottest thing we've seen since Johnny Depp in Chocolat. Kidding! We don't find Johnny Depp hot at all.

(This is as far as we got before Lisa cleaned up her page. Obviously we're not going back to fix this post, so we'll just continue with the remaining photos in any order we please, k?)

Photo 8 with respective description:

“Little Red Riding Horse” – For Halloween, Clancy’s horse-back riding class dressed up – horse and all- for a costume party. Clancy wore the red cloak she bought with her own money in Colonial Williamsburg. She made a “cloak” for her horse from a red sheet, put red bows in his hair and braided his tail with red ribbons. I don’t blame the wolf – she’s so cute you just want to eat her up!

Aw. Clancy dressed up as The Village. Much scarier than the actual movie. Much.

And, don't worry, we have contacted the ASPCA about this small-Christian-on-horse abuse. Do they do horses? Is that why they hung up on us?

Photo 9 with respective description:

“Oh, Brother!” – One evening, late at night while Clancy was sleeping, Tucker tied this ventriloquist dummy to the ceiling fan. He even tied another string to the bedpost so it would be looking directly at Clancy when she awoke. The next morning – guess what- we heard a blood-curdling scream. Oh, the joys of having a big brother.”

Another point for Tucker, who is so easily our fave of the Cauble kids. Tucker, if you're reading this, go take the dash key off mommy's computer. She's driving us insane.

Photo 10 with respective description:

“The Grinch who Stole the Xmas Tree Top” – Tucker and Grandmother bought this Christmas tree, brought it home, and discovered it was too tall for the room. So, they simply grabbed a machete, laid the conifer over a dog crate, and began chopping away at the top. Unfortunately, Roy’s little dog, Bette, kept getting in the way so they put her inside the dog crate to keep her safe – and proceeded to chop some more. Poor Bette. Poor Tree.”

Poor Us.

Photo 11 with respective description:

“Smile” – Say Cheese! (or Hay!) I love this picture just because it looks like the horse is smiling for the camera.

No, it doesn't. It looks like the horse is saying, "If you ever drape me in a red curtain like some _______ Christo creation again, I'll punch your _______ lights out, you _______ born-again __________. ____." That's what it looks like the horse is doing.

And, with that, believe it or not, we're done. _______ finally.

Lisa finishes her entry with this...

So, those were a few of my favorite things! I hope you enjoyed seeing them as much as I enjoyed reliving them. Life is good! (John 14:6)

...noteworthy mainly because if you have to attribute "Life is good!" to scripture, perhaps maybe life isn't that good. (Matthew 20:06)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why can't we have a picture of 22- year-old Casey/Justice in his Tightie-whities jumping on a trampoline? ________, I'd subscribe to "Coffee Talk" if there were beefcake pictures of the brother.

August 14, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope her children are gay...

August 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it would be fun to have a "Which Cauble Kid Will Turn First?" contest.

I know you think Tucker, but my money is on Clancy. She's the baby and very eager to please ... for now. They're always the ones you've gotta watch.

October 15, 2006  

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